This post is completely and unapologetically inspired by my boyfriend. If you are dating a law student you probably hate this time of the semester just as much as I do-FINALS TIME. Finals time is so brutal, because your lover practically … Continue reading
Merriam-Webster defines the word disrespect as saying or doing something that shows a lack of respect for (someone or something). In other words, when one fails to show respect it is because he or she does not believe that the person he or she is coming in contact with is worthy of their respect.
Disrespect comes in various shapes, sizes, words, and actions. At times it can be difficult to recognize the fact that you are getting disrespected. I am going to fill you in on 7 phrases that men say to women that are actually very disrespectful.
1. When are you going to let me hit?/ I’m trying to take you down.
This is one of, if not the most disrespectful thing that a man could ever say to a woman. It is not okay to ask a woman how long it is going to take until she allows you to have sex with her. It is so degrading, tasteless, rude, and down right thirsty. It makes a man seem as if he cannot possibly take an interest in who she is as a person, because he cannot control his raging hormones and must know how soon they can have sex. I have had various men use this phrase with me via face to face and text message conversations. Because of my previous experiences with this phrase I am lead to believe that men don’t know that this phrase is disrespectful and that women respond to this statement in a positive manner. Ladies this phrase should not be tolerated. If a man asks you this question call him out on his disrespect.
2. Yo Ma! Yo Shawty!
Men this is no way to address a young lady! If you are on one side of the street and she is on the other do not yell at her to get her attention. There is no need to yell, be embarrassing, and act like a fool. This method rarely works, because the girl is so embarrassed by your actions. Just a little FYI, women don’t like being yelled at by strangers. Try a different approach like walking up to her and calmly asking her name.
3. You’re cute for a…
This statement is what people like to call a backhanded compliment. A backhanded compliment is a statement that is a combination of an insult and praise. No one likes to get insulted. So men if you find yourself thinking, “She’s cute for a…” stop yourself right there and don’t allow that thought to leave your head.
4. Do you like girls?
Men just please stop asking this question. Your sexual fantasy of two women in your bed while you watch is never going to come true. SO STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION. Would you believe me if I told you that if the girl you are talking to is gay or bisexual she will let you know prior to any type of sexual activity? BELIEVE IT! That will give you two plenty of time to pick out a girl to invite into your bedroom. Again, STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION.
5. I like your hair better when…
Guess what? It’s not your hair and she will style her hair however she wishes. This statement is disrespectful, because you are forcing her to believe that you find her more beautiful when her hair is in a certain style. She should feel beautiful whenever she is around you not only when her hair is in your favorite hairstyle.
6. When you going to send me some pictures?
I am almost 100% sure that every young lady between the ages of 14-26 has been asked this question before. Men do not ask this question, because it is an automatic turnoff. Again you make yourself seem as though you have no control of your raging hormones and that you only have a physical attraction to the girl. A girl wants to be with a guy who likes her for who she is, not just for what she looks like or what he thinks she can do in the bedroom. Guys I am going to give you a tip, if you really want to see pictures of a girl just ask for her Instagram handle. The only bad thing about the tip I just gave you is girls know what a man is doing when he only asks for her Instagram handle. He wants to see some pictures and doesn’t want you to be exposed to whatever is on his Facebook or Twitter.
7. What does your man have to do with me?
I have had a boy tell me that my boyfriend had nothing to do with the relationship that he was seeking to begin with me. Men if she is telling you that she has a boyfriend it is because she wants nothing to do with you. It is irrational to get upset or try to pursue a honest female who is in a committed relationship. When making this statement you make your lack of morals obvious. You come off as dishonest, lonely, lame and need I say disrespectful.
How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. People ask me about you frequently. I tell them that you are doing fine and that you are the proud owner of a beautiful blue BMW. Even though we don’t talk your instagram and twitter tell me everything that I wish to know. I would be lying if I said I missed you, because I don’t. I don’t even yearn to have that one last conversation for “closure.”
I can say with confidence that I never thought I would see the day that we grew apart. Remember those days where when people saw you they saw me and we were never more than 50 feet away from each other? If the sentence began with Ariana it ended with you and vice versa? The days we had to defend our friendship to all of Renaissance Academy because of course we were fucking since there is no way in hell a boy and a girl can be just friends. Or how about when your girlfriends would get jealous over our friendship because they knew deep down inside you would always choose me over them? It’s funny, because I really liked some of them. Or when other girls used to call you bestie? Hahaha I don’t even want to get into that because we both knew what it was. Or how about when I cried because people said I was ugly? You were there for me. Or what about those late night conversations when we would discuss our future? Who knew I would end up in New York and you, Virginia? Or how about when I got my first boyfriend and I couldn’t wait to hear your opinion?
I thought this shit would never end. Besties for life we used to say again and again. August 28,2008. What you thought I would forget? You changed my life forever and I still consider you my friend. I’m tearing up while I write so I guess I miss you just a little bit. You taught me the meaning of friendship, compassion, forgiveness, and loyalty.
Time changes things sometimes for the worst and for the better. I’m still a Kanye fan and his music can’t get any better! I haven’t changed too much but you should be able to tell that if you are reading this letter. Even though we don’t talk just know I’m never far. So Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year because we both always forget to call. I’m sorry for publishing this letter online. Just let me know if you like me to take it down. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to get more personal with my readers so they can truly get a sense of who I am. Keep working hard. Trust the timing of your life. The world is yours.
P.S. Your girlfriend is beyond gorgeous!
After a good friend of mine read one of my latest blog post,He is Just Not That Into You, she said and I quote, “I feel like you should write a post about guys wanting more than what you are willing to give them.”
Here we go guys! I am going to save you a lot of time and heartbreak, because we all know that boys are just as emotional as girls. So, I am going to give you a spiel similar to one that I gave the ladies.
You cannot make someone like you. You cannot make someone fall in love with you. You cannot change a person and you cannot change yourself in order to make someone like you. I am going to provide you with a few red flags that you should beware of that mostly likely indicate that she just isn’t that into you. You should pay attention, because my female perspective might just change the success of your love life.
1. Not Every Girl Likes You
Boys I understand that you have this ego thing going on and it is just so hard to believe that a girl could not have feelings for someone like you. Well believe it, she doesn’t like you. Take your loss and keep it moving like a real G.
One time I had a boy say to me, “How could you not like me? I’m cute and smart.”
I couldn’t believe his cockiness. I was in shock, because he was dead serious. I was also a bit insulted, because he assumed that only those two qualities would cause me to fall head-over-heels for him, as if I did not have other standards for the men I choose to date. I would also like to share with you that we were on a college campus at the time this statement was made, where there are plenty of cute and intelligent young men.
Be someone who you would want to date. When you look for a girlfriend do you stop at cute and intelligent? Probably not.
2. You Always Text Her First
If you ALWAYS text her first then she isn’t that interested in talking to you. It’s as simple as that. If she wanted to talk to you she would reach out to you just as much as you are reaching out to her. If you ALWAYS contact her first it usually means that you think about her more frequently than she thinks about you. I’m not saying do not be confident. I am also not saying to not go after who you want. If you want to talk to her, by all means contact her.I just believe that this is something you should be conscience of, because she may not be contacting you first for a reason.
3. I Anit Saying She a Gold-digger, but…
If she is always asking you to do things for her and you always do them then that is your fault. Please do not convince yourself that you are being generous or getting on her good side, because you are not. You are simply buying her time and affection. Do better baby. Remember a relationship should not be one sided.
4. She Doesn’t Make Time For You
If she doesn’t make time for you then she just isn’t that into you. I’m a firm believer that people make time for what they believe is important. If she is always too busy for you then she doesn’t deem your relationship as something worthy of her time. No one is so busy that they can never make time for their significant other.
5. She Has a Boyfriend
If she has a boyfriend then why are you trying to pursue her? You are putting yourself in a position that you most likely do not want to be in. If she has a boy LEAVE HER ALONE.
6. You are Not Friends on Social Media
If your boo will not allow you to follow her on Twitter, be her friend on Facebook, follow her on Instagram, or be her Best friend on SnapChat then she has something to hide or she is trying to hide you.
7. She is still “Good Friends” with her ex.
If she is still “good friends” with her ex she still has feelings for him. If they get along so well then why did they break up?
8. She Tells You She’s Not Into You
If she tells you that she is not into you, then she is not into you. Maya Angelou has an awesome quote that reads, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If she is telling you how she really feels don’t dismiss it or belittle it. Take it for what it is and move forward from there.
9.She Loves The Crew
If she has dated the majority of your friends then she is a crew lover. This term is used to describe one girl who had dated a group of friends also known as a crew. She is nasty and so are you. Have some standards. Why do you want to date someone who kissed your best friend?
If you can identify with any of the things listed above she just isn’t that into you, bro. Cut your losses now and move on. Find someone out there who truly cares and likes you for who you are. You are a great guy, which means there is a great girl out there for you.
We have all had a major crush on a guy who has not liked us back. We refused to believe that they didn’t like us so we tried harder to maintain their attention. Some girls even try to change who they are in order to make themselves more desirable to the person who they are trying to be with. Then there are others who are straight up crazy and believe that they are in a relationship with a man despite the fact that he will not give her the time of day.
Let me tell you a few things to save you a lot of time and heartbreak. You cannot make someone like you. You cannot make someone fall in love with you. You cannot change a person and you cannot change yourself in order to make someone like you. Not too sure if he is into you or not? Just Keep reading…
- He never has time for you. The “I’m so busy.”
I’m a firm believer that people make time for what they believe is important. If he is always too busy for you then he doesn’t deem your relationship as something worthy of his time. No one is so busy that they can never make time for their significant other.
2. You talk to his friends more than you talk to him.
If he doesn’t have time to hang out with you the only other logical explanation is that his time is being spent hanging out with his family, friends, or at work. If you are able to get in contact and talk with his friends more than you are able to talk to him then he is ignoring you on purpose.
3.You always buy him things and let him drive your car.
If you always buy him things and let him drive your car that is your fault. Please do not convince yourself that you are being generous, because you are not. You are simply buying his time and affection. Do better baby, do better. Your significant other should be slow to take.
4. You are a rebound
If he just got out of a relationship 2 days ago, and he is contacting you telling you how pretty you are chances are you are a rebound. I’m not saying that you aren’t gorgeous, but please believe that he doesn’t have your best intentions at heart.
5. You never met his friends or family.
If you never met his friends or family then you are temporary or he is embarrassed by your behaviors or reputation. Boys are very careful about who they introduce to their mother, because they want to make her proud. They will not bring someone around their mother unless they see a future in tomorrow.
6. You are not friends on social media
If your boo will not allow you to follow him on Twitter, be his friend on Facebook, follow him on Instagram, or be his Best friend on SnapChat then he has something to hide or he is trying to hide you. If you post a picture of you and him on a social networking site and he tells you to take it down it’s because he doesn’t want people to see you together.
7. He is still “Good Friends” with his ex.
If he is still “good friends” with his ex he still has feelings for her. If they get along so well then why did they break up?
8. You cannot be seen in public together
If you cannot be seen in public together he is either embarrassed by you or trying to hide you from his friends and family.
9.You do not know his real name
If you only know him by his rap name or his street name he’s not into you. He doesn’t want you to know his real name, because he doesn’t want you to look him up on social networking sites and he wants to control when and how you interact.
If you can identify with any of the things listed above he just isn’t that into you. Cut your loses now and move on. Find someone out there who truly cares and likes you for who you are. Only you can be the best you. Don’t cut yourself short of other possible suitors chasing after someone who isn’t worried about you. Why change who you are when someone out their is falling in love with your smile?